


shall i write it in a letter (shall i try to get it down)

by Erandri



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Abby and Buck are still friends, Abby's POV, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Long-Distance Friendship, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Past Buck/Abby, Texting, everyone gets a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:03:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21517921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erandri/pseuds/Erandri
Summary: After Abby decides not to return to LA she still keeps in contact with Buck.Or, a Buddie fic from Abby's perspective.
Relationships: Abby Clark/Original Character(s), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Abby Clark, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 17
Kudos: 378





	shall i write it in a letter (shall i try to get it down)

**Author's Note:**

> I finished rewatching season one, sat down on my couch and wrote this all out on my phone. Writing this made me very emotional and I'm so happy with how it turned out. The timeline is most definitely messed up because season 2 is no longer on Hulu so I'm working off of my memory from when the season aired. Not beta'd so any mistakes are mine.
> 
> The title is from the song Bloom by The Paper Kites.

In the beginning, right after she leaves for Ireland and her 'couple month' vacation, she and Buck are in almost constant contact. She sends him texts of everything she sees, little check-in messages throughout the day. He'll tell her about the calls he went on that day, or how his team is doing. It's funny, she thinks, they’re five thousand miles away and it feels like they're talking more now than they did when they were living in the same city.

It helps though. Leaving her life in LA was one of the hardest decisions that she’s had to make and trying to get settled in a new city, in a foreign country no less, can be a daunting task. So it's nice to have that connection with him. It reminds her that she does still have a life between trying to figure out where the best take out places in town are or where her bus stop is. But you can only be new somewhere for so long. Eventually, she starts to meet people and suddenly she's going out to pubs at night and festivals during the weekends. She makes friends and they have dinner parties and nights out and girls trips. It makes her feel like she’s coming back to herself, remembering the person that she used to be before her mother was diagnosed.

She's so caught up in living her life that it's weeks before she realizes that as shes gained new friends, she's slowly started to let Buck go. Their hourly texts became daily, then weekly.

She’s been in Dublin two months when he tells her that he's still living in her apartment, still waiting for her to come back. It's an awful feeling to hear that someone is waiting for you and not knowing if you want them to.

She likes Buck; if her mother hadn't died and they had been together longer she thinks that she could have loved him. She’s pretty sure that he loves her. Or at least thinks that he loves her. After all, why would he wait for her for so long when she’s made no hints of when she’s coming back. Or if she’s going to be coming back.

_I got to fulfill a fireman stereotype today. That's right I actually saved a kitten from a tree._

She reads the text again and laughs, picturing Buck climbing the firetruck’s ladder to save a kitten, a little girl waiting anxiously at the bottom for its safe return. It's the first text she's gotten in almost two weeks. Apparently, Buck’s life is changing as much as hers.

He mentioned a couple of weeks ago that his sister came to town to visit him, and a couple of days later he started talking about a new guy at work. It took a couple of days for Buck to even mention the guy’s name, Eddie, but now the new man is a frequent star in Bucks messages.

After Buck spends almost an entire day regaling her about Eddie's son Christopher and how amazing he as, and the great time that the three of them had at the zoo, she starts to wonder if Buck is finally starting to move on from their relationship too.

\---

After four months it’s finally time for her to leave. She got a short term rental and her lease expires in just two weeks. It's hard to believe that she’s been in Dublin as long as she has, but it also seems like no time at all. Buck has been asking her when she’s going to be coming back, let's her know that he's still waiting.

The ticket screen is loaded on her computer, nonstop Dublin to Los Angeles, yet she can’t bring herself to hit confirm. Then, as if it's a sign, the ad at the side of the screen changes. There’s a picture of a beautiful village overlooking the water, _Come visit Morocco_ in elegant lettering at the bottom. She stares at the picture, thinking about how Casablanca is her favorite film and how beautiful the water in the picture looks. Before she can second guess herself, she changes her destination and buys the ticket.

\---

Her and Bucks weekly texting has now become whenever-Abby-has-service texting. Morocco is beautiful but she doesn’t stay there long. Now that she’s taken the leap she finds there are so many other things in the world to see. Each new place feels like it brings out another piece of her and inspires her to go somewhere else. So from Morocco, she travels further south, then up into India.

Buck still sends texts regularly, far more regularly than her, and she can always count on having messages waiting for her whenever she gets reception. Eddie and Christopher become a frequent topic of conversation. After several weeks of hearing about them, Buck finally sends a picture so that she can put a face to the names.

It's a picture of the three of them at the beach, wide smiles, and happy eyes. _He's hot_ is her first thought of Eddie, then she starts to take in the rest of the picture. There’s a little boy between them who she’s guessing must be Christopher, Eddie's son who obviously has Buck wrapped around his little finger. Buck looks incandescent, his eyes so full of joy and light that it sends a pang of remorse though her.

She wonders for a moment if Buck ever looked at her like that before quickly brushing the thought aside. They've both moved on from their relationship. She's stopped wondering what if she had stayed with him and has moved on to being thankful for the brief time together that they managed to have. She knows now that Buck was just a stepping stone for her, someone she was supposed to meet on her way to a better life but not someone she was supposed to be with forever. She hopes that she was the same for him.

 _You look like you're having a great time s_ he sends back to him then looks at the photo again, seeing now the way Buck and Eddie are almost cheek to cheek and the way Buck has his hand protectively on Christopher's shoulder.

They look like a family.

Not for the first time she wonders if there’s something between them. Buck had never mentioned being interested in men while they were together but with how short their relationship was and with everything going on in her life there wasn't really a time to have that type of conversation. He hasn’t mentioned anything that would allude to him and Eddie being anything other than friends, but she thinks she sees something there that maybe Buck doesn’t even see yet himself.

\---

She’s in France and for once has steady, reliable cell service, when she realizes that it's been weeks since she’s heard anything from Buck. Nowadays it's not unusual for them to go a couple of weeks between talking but a quick look back at their last text shows that it's been over a month since she’s gotten a text from him.

She sends off a quick message to him, just a simple _Hello from Saint-Nazaire_ with a photo from her apartment window. She needs to get to her job soon, a little part-time thing at a bakery to help offset the costs of her travels, so she doesn’t wait for a reply before leaving. It's two days later when she realizes that she still hasn’t gotten anything back.

She tries not to dwell on it. It's been over a year since she left LA and effectively broke up with Buck, maybe he just decided that they had gone on long enough. But even as she tries to convince herself of it, she knows that she’s wrong. Then her mind starts going to bad places, thinking of how dangerous Bucks job can really be. Thoughts of fires and accidents plague her for weeks. She’s sending him messages daily now, trying to downplay her worry in case it really is something simple.

Days become weeks, become months and Abby is really starting to worry. She wishes that she had the number for some of Bucks coworkers, even debates seeing if some of her old friends at the call center can check up on things for her. She’s spending money she doesn’t really have to call Buck long distance every day but every time it rings to voicemail.

And then, one day her phone rings and it's Bucks name on the caller ID. She almost drops her phone in her haste to answer, eventually getting it to her ear.

"Buck? Buck?" She asks, praying that it's his voice on the other end of the line.

"Hey, Abs," he finally says and she lets out a breath she’s been holding for three months.

"What happened to you? You weren't responding to any of my messages," she says, sitting down at the end of her bed. She had just been about to go to sleep and her apartment is quiet as she waits for his answer.

"It’s kind of a long story," he says, and she can hear so many things in his voice. Embarrassment, sadness, relief. It makes her wonder just what he's been going through.

"I've got time," she tells him, lying back on her bed and getting comfortable. It's nearly midnight and she has an early shift at the bakery tomorrow, but this is the first time shes heard Bucks voice in almost six months. She'd gladly lose a couple of hours sleep to hear him and know that he's okay.

"Well, I guess I should start by saying I was in an accident a couple of months ago. There was this kid, he put a bomb on the firetruck I was riding in and after the explosion, I ended up with the whole rig on my foot."

She listens to his story with tears in her eyes, hating that he's been so alone and felt like he couldn’t reach out to anyone. She feels awful that while she was happy, working away at the bakery he was trying to walk again and fighting for his job.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you," she says when he finally finishes. Her pillow is wet from her tears and she’s exhausted from the late hour, but she’s not going to hang up on him.

"You were there for me Abby," he says like he's surprised that she doesn’t understand it, "all of your messages and calls. I got every one of them and, even though I didn’t respond, they made me happier. They reminded me that there was someone out there who cares for me."

"I do Buck. Always," she promises.

"I know, and you know I love you," he says and she smiles.

"I know."

"Good. Now, I would love to talk more but I have got to get to work. Today's my first shift back on full duty."

She can hear the smile in his voice as he tells her. "Be safe," she says.

"I will. Good night Abby."

"Goodmorning, Buck." She lets him hang up on her and falls asleep with a smile.

\---

 _Blue or white_ the incoming text says. She reads it again, confused before two attachments pop up next. She downloads them both, seeing that they're both pictures of Buck. In the first one, he has a blue button-up on and in the second he's wearing a white one.

 _And what's the occasion?_ She sends back, watching as the dots that show he's typing appear. A second later his response pops up.

_I have a date_

She’s about to respond when the dots appear again. She watches them and waits for what else Buck has to say.

_I know you're literally on the other side of the world right now but if I ask Maddie she'll just tease me about being nervous which will make me more nervous and there’s no way that I can go to anyone on the team about this_

_Sounds serious. Just who is lucky enough to take you out tonight?_ She has her suspicions but after months of no word, she’s started to second guess herself.

There’s a long pause before Buck responds. So long that her phone goes to sleep. Finally, it chimes with a new message and she turns it on to see a one-word response: _Eddie._

She lets out a squeal of happiness, thinking _it's about time_ before remembering that Buck has asked her a question.

_Go with the white. He won't be able to keep his hands off of you_

The dots appear and disappear. Appear and disappear. Appear and then finally she gets a reply. It's a single blushing emoji.

\---

It's been a little over three years since Abby left LA. She’s seen so much of the world now she has trouble remembering all the stops that shes been to. She thinks that her mom would be proud of her, _is_ proud of her from where ever she's looking over Abby.

She's settled now. She met a man who she adores and who thinks she hung the stars in the sky. They have a small vineyard on the western coast of Italy. There's a small house that they've made their own and a trail down to the sea where she can go swimming every day. It's not much, but they make enough from the harvest to live comfortably.

Now when she travels she has someone to go with her but she finds that she doesn't need to leave as much as she used to. She doesn't need to go searching for herself anymore because she's finally found who she is. A world traveler, a wife, a business owner, and a mother to a beautiful little girl.

She’s watching from their porch as her husband plays in the lawn with their daughter when her phone chimes with a new text message. When she turns her phone on she's surprised to see that it's from Buck. They still chat every once in a while but they each have their own lives now and it can be hard to keep in contact as regularly as they used to.

There’s no actual message from Buck, just the automatic text to let her know that there’s a photo attachment. She unlocks her phone and downloads the picture, smiling when it finally loads.

 _Congratulations! I'm so happy for you_ she immediately sends back. There’s no response, but she doesn't need one. The picture says it all.

It's of Buck and Eddie. They're both in tuxes, standing in front of an altar with their arms wrapped around each other. She can see a gold wedding band on Buck’s finger where his hand rests on Eddie's cheek but that's not what makes her so happy. It's how utterly delighted Buck and Eddie look, both smiling wide as they try to kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to know what you thought!
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](http://erandri.tumblr.com/)


End file.
